I just saw a post this morning with a video of highlighting President Uctdorf's talk about creating, I belief it was a General Relief Society meeting a few years ago. I have included the link.
www.lds.org/media-library/video/2009-02-06-create?lang=eng
I also have been trying to be more grateful in my prayers due the following article in the August Ensign.
www.lds.org/ensign/2013/08/recognize-remember-and-give-thanks?lang=eng
Some things happened this morning that helped me muse a little so I thought I would write them down.
First not everything we create has to be artsy. In fact we can create all kinds of fabulous things as daughters of God. One thing that I have found to be the most fulfilling has been trying to create the wife my husband deserves.
Now I suppose that some woman in today's society would shake their heads at that statement and feel sorry for me, labeling me as an oppressed woman. But let me explain. I am anything but oppressed. Oppression, in my situation, would have to be a choice and I suppose there are many woman who want to be oppressed in today's society. But how can I really be oppressed. I live in a fabulous house that a hard working husband pays for. Yes, I clean it, but he drives 45 minutes each day to get to a job he which is not his dream job and he then drives another 45 minutes home through horrendous traffic to be with who, ME! Everyday, he chooses me. So I don't mind doing the cleaning, the washing and the cooking because this fabulous guy chooses to come home to me every night and I try really hard to make it worth his while. If that makes me oppressed, I have to say I am happily oppressed.
I try to create, every night, the atmosphere and dinner to which Kreed looks forward. I wish I had made this a top priority in my creating when I was a younger mother. My children might have suffered a bit, but they would have seen a better example of a mother who loved her husband. I am just grateful that Kreed endured those years of coming home to a house that was in chaos. The silly thing is, that the chaos was caused by an OCD mother who was trying desperately to make that moment perfect for her husband and did it by trying to control the world.
How much better it would have been if I didn't care that the wash was not done, that the kids had not completed their chores, that dinner was burned. What I should have cared about was that my knight in shinning armor had just arrived home to his castle. He could have gone elsewhere at anytime, but he choose to return home every night and I should have rejoiced. I should have thanked him for his gallantry for overlooking imperfections of his household. I should have jumped in his arms and told him how brave he was to face the dragons of his world everyday so we could afford to eat the burnt offering that appeared at the table. I should have ALLOWED him to help me tuck the kiddos into bed a few minutes sooner each night so I could let my strong knight hold me in his arms just a little longer before we passed out.
But instead, I complained. I told him how rotten the kids were, how hard it was to get anything done, how OPPRESSED I was. I created the oppressed princess, not my husband. I snarled at the compliments he gave. I whined at the suggestions he offered. I was a wicked wizened witch many nights. How and why did he return? What did he see in me that I did not? I don't know what blinders God puts on men, but thank you, thank you, thank you.
Slowly through the years, I learned to let go. I stopped trying to make my knight into something I wanted. I started accepting him for whom he was. I started looking at the witch in the mirror and slowly the scales fell away. I am willing to accept myself as the queen my husband must have seen somewhere underneath the dragon. Where are the arguments we had? Where is the bickering? It is gone. Not because he changed, but because I changed. I don't argue, I have nothing to defend. I do not bicker, he does nothing I want to change.
Yes, I plan, I clean and I cook. But there are days, the meal is still burned, there are days that the wash is still on the floor and the bath room still does not sparkle. But my eyes do when I hear that door open. I rush to my King and try to make him feel that he is the reason I am I here. I hug him as if my life depended on it, and it does. He still pops out with, "How was you day?" and I am often tempted to tell him of my petty problems, but mostly now, I just tell him how wonderful I feel simply because he chose to come home to me. I usher him in to my less than perfectly clean kitchen and most days to a relatively decent supper and make his day my top priority. He helps me clean off the dinner table as we chat about the kids or his experiences at work. We go outside and enjoy the drudgery of taking care of the yard together in the beauty he has created there. We come back in and with no kids to put to bed we enjoy falling asleep exhausted in each others arms every night.
Now you know what I have created, and why I like it. But why did I bring up the gratitude article. Because that was how I become the woman my husband actually enjoys coming home to, For him, I know it is a duty any more, I am sure of that. What changed? I learned to be grateful for the man I had married. For who he was, not who I wanted him to be.
He never gave me a lot of praise, he didn't come from that kind of a family. He often teased me in ways I thought were hurtful. I didn't like that and I wanted it to stop. He didn't go to church the way I wanted him to attend church. He didn't help out with the kids the way I wanted him to. He did not do a lot of things the way I wanted him to. I, I, I, I, I, and more I's.
When I started to do a very simple thing, my husband become perfect. He did nothing. He did not change. This is what I started doing. I listened to Dr. Laura and my husband was like most of the husbands that belonged to the complaining wives who called her. Then one day, instead of listening to her callers and agreeing with them and understanding their poor situation, I listened to Dr. Laura. She suggested that this lady write down three things every day that she liked about her husband. The woman at the moment could not think of a single thing. Dr. Laura challenged her. I was not like that woman. I could think of three things surely. I was surprised at how easy it was to think of three wonderful things about my husband. I wrote them down.
Everyday, I looked for three new things I appreciated, admired or just found sexy about my husband. He did not changed, but my attitude did. I was not as critical of all the things I felt he should be doing.
Then I took a big step and started mentioning these things in my prayers. Suddenly the things I wished my husband would stop doing, like the teasing didn't matter any more. Is it possible, that dreaded teaching became endearing. No, really? Yes, it is true! His little jabs made me smile and laugh and low and behold he smiled and laughed, we hugged and you know what that can lead too. So much better than me pouting and crying in my bedroom.
Then I took the really big step, the hardest of all. I started mentioning sincerely how I appreciated this or that. I didn't do it expecting anything back from him. It was totally and completely that I appreciated him. I desired no remarks in return and frankly, I didn't get any like that.
Kreed doesn't have to be the man I thought I needed to change him into. He has always been the man I needed and wanted. I changed myself into the woman who loved him and admired him for who he is. I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven who gave me time to change. There were times in our marriage that I didn't know for sure if we would have the time to find happiness. But my husband was amazingly patient and my thick skull finally cracked and I got the message. I am one happy, blessed and lucky wife.
The amazing, wonderful, miraculous thing, is I apparently have been the woman my husband wanted all along.
