YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.
I will try to put this is a quick gospel setting. The one thing that our Father in Heaven assures us as a gift here upon this earth, besides our body, is our agency. If He doesn't try to "change" us, how can we possibly think that any amount of whining, manipulating, planning, yelling, coercing, etc. can hope to change our spouse, sibling, child, neighbor or coworker. He has never commanded us to make others perfect. The commandment is "to be ye, therefore, perfect." Change ourselves.
How do we react to others? Do we use this gift of free will in our reactions to others? Or do we just abandon our freedom and become victims of our circumstances. Very sad. I do it all the time.
The books give great ideas on how to use our own free will to change our reactions to others. There is nothing in any of the books on how to change others. It is our own reactions that matter and ultimately change our lives and how we perceive those around us.
If there was anyone who should have and could have sought revenge, it was Christ. But look at how He handled things. For those who spit upon Him, laughed at Him, mocked Him and ultimately killed Him. He willingly gave His life, because He chose to. He chose to LOVE.
We think, yeah, but it is not fair. My husband yelled at me. My co-worker went behind my back. My kids are disrespectful. Etc, etc. All true. It is not fair. Was Christ's crucifixion fair? The one who loved us all enough to go through what He went through? Was it fair?
Is it fair, then for us to reject the gift of agency, after what He chose to do for us. Thank goodness, for His atonement and my ability to repent and change. I love my Savior and His sacrifice. I am trying hard to remember that I have a chose in how I react because of my brother, Jesus Christ! I am so glad I am finally learning that lesson.
I agree that to some extent we can only blame ourselves for our decisions, however I think there are some nuances to this.
ReplyDeleteIt may come from learning about sociology, but I really don't believe that our actions do not affect other people. I believe that we can choose what to do with what is given us, but society as a whole, as well as individual people, can determine what choices we have. In an easy example: someone who is hit over the head and receives brain damage instantly decreases the scope of choices/options he has in this life. On a larger scale, society has affected choices for gender differences, race, sexuality, and more. I think it is important to realize that we do have an influence on people.
In fact, this is one of the greatest things about the Gospel, in my opinion: we are all connected. We can influence each other for the better. In my opinion, to believe that we can have no influence is a sad and cruel world (quite Hobbesian, which he describes as 'nasty, brutish, and short').
For example D&C 115:
5 Verily I say unto you all: Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations;
6 And that the gathering together upon the land of Zion, and upon her stakes, may be for a defense, and for a refuge from the storm, and from wrath when it shall be poured out without mixture upon the whole earth.
What is the refuge and defense? The gathering of many people. It isn't like God gives us a protection bubble when we go to Zion. Instead, we create Zion out of a group of people who lift and help each other through life. I love the idea that we can influence each other.
Thank you for your comments Erik. Yes, I do agree that we have influence over others. But that is just it. Influence is different than control. So many people I know want to control their children, their husbands, their students, etc. Christ has great influence in my life, but he refuses to control it. I was trying to be brief and state a single principle, probably made it too simple. Of course, we have responsibility to influence the world for good at all times. But one way we might think of doing that is letting go.
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